Dottie’s Rainbow Bridge

So, I’ve written about a lot of things in this blog: having bipolar, being sexually abused, being in an abusive relationship, and the list goes on. However, this is the toughest, and shortest, post I’ve had to write so far.

Yesterday, my son and I took our Little Dottie for a Quality of Life exam at our vet. She was almost 15 years old and was blind and deaf. She also was losing control of her bladder and back legs. In other words, she was suffering. After talking with the vet and her examination of Little Dot, O and I made the decision to have her put to sleep. We said our goodbyes, I sang her special song, and she died in my arms.

I don’t know what to feel. When Bill got home last night, I cried louder and harder than I ever have in my life…I made myself sick. I’ve never ever been in my house without her…and the emptiness of it is overwhelming. I see her everywhere.

Maybe people with pets can’t understand this, but she wasn’t a pet to me. She was my baby…my best friend…my comfort…my joy. It’s hard for those of us with mental illness to make real friends and I can honestly say I have only 3 human ones and that includes Bill. So Dottie was my bestie. She didn’t mind my bouts of depression and would lay down with me whenever I needed too. She didn’t care if I was manic…she’d be right along beside me watching me paint and getting drops of it on her back. When I had a mental breakdown, she was there…centering me the best she could. When I cut myself, I would hug her and try to forget the pain. When I attempted suicide and got off my bed to throw up the pills I had taken, Dottie was right by me…her brown eyes telling me I had way too much to live for.

There’s no words that can describe what she did for me, and I hope, with all my heart that I was a good mama to her. I believe in God and I believe he made animals for us to love. I truly know that my Little Dot is in heaven now…in my Grandpa’s arms…bossing everyone around like the diva she was.

Dottie: you were my precious baby and you are now my angel. I will never ever forget you and you will be in my heart forever. Someday, I’ll be making my way to heaven and I know you’ll be right there at the gate…barking at me to hurry up because you want to play fetch. And honey, I’ll do it.

Kristi xoxo

Author: Kristi

Just a bipolar Professor working to end the stigma of mental illness.

13 thoughts on “Dottie’s Rainbow Bridge”

  1. Kristi….I understand your pain, sadness, loneliness….all of it! I lost Sadie Mae suddenly in May 2020. One day she was fine the next we had to take her to Vet Med ER. She became lethargic and struggled to breathe. She had hemangiosarcoma. It was so sudden. We had to put her to sleep. She was a gentle soul. I’ve had other dogs but Sadie was different. She was gentle and loving and supportive. I am still struggling with her not being here everyday with me. No one could console me like her. She was just there to lie next to on the porch and love her and pet her and talk to her. I’m sending you a hug and much love. It will be tough. I am here and I understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah Kristi I’m so sorry! Our pets are family and our best friends especially through our darkest times! Im pretty sure you were the best of moms to Dottie. Big hugs my friend. We should do lunch one of these days. (seriously we should!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tears here. Everyone who has loved a pet, and lost one, knows the pain you feel right now. I still see my Max in this house, in the field, I know he’s still with me. Max had hemangioscarcoma, I fought for 3 months to keep him with me and finally let him go when I could see in his eyes that he was just tired out and wanted to go to the Bridge. And I know that Dottie is with him, probably bossing him around because my gentle giant always let the other dogs make the rules, and he’ll take care of her and watch over her, and us, till we’re with them again.

    Liked by 1 person

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