“You gave me love and helped me find the sun…” ~ Seasons in the Sun

So it’s been quite a while since I’ve blogged…I took the summer off since working on the computer for school all year takes it’s toll.

But I wanted…or maybe needed…to tell my sweetie peeps that ma died this morning. She was such an active, vibrant, beautiful woman and only began deteriorating in July. It was a fast downhill slide and sissy and I are in shock. I’ve written so much about her over the last couple of years and I know some of you have laughed at her antics. She always got a kick out of me apologizing to her whenever I fucking cussed (sorry, ma).

I’ve contemplated the word ‘love’ lately and realized, as I was watching her fight for breath yesterday in the hospital, that the word just isn’t big enough to describe what I felt for her. She was my light. My best friend. And the most amazing mom I could have ever ever asked for.

Ma was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in 2006…she was an alcoholic but didn’t drink a drop after this diagnosis. Most people live about 5-6 years with the severity of damage she had…she lived 16. My sissy and I didn’t know that these last 10 years were the miracle we had been praying for these last couple of weeks. Our extra time with her had already happened.

This last decade was the happiest of her life. She was safe and healthy and happy and had so many friends that loved her. She did so much traveling and activities and at the age of 65 started a quilting business that was incredibly successful. She got to see her great grandkids grow up to their teenage years and took so much pride in sissy earning her LPN and working with special needs kids, and me being a prof. She told us so many times these past few days how proud she was of us.

I spent these last couple of days just rubbing her arms and hair…laying beside her in her hospital bed to cuddle…and telling her over and over again how much she meant to me. I think she understood.

I can’t say goodbye to her yet…I haven’t processed everything and know it’s going to hit me hard. All I know is that the times I thought my heart was broken were nothing compared to this. Nothing. My heart isn’t broken…that can be fixed. Instead, my heart has a piece now missing that can never…ever…be replaced.

Rest in peace, ma. You deserve that more than anyone else I know.

Kristi xoxo

Me and ma on Labor Day – 2021
Ma supported me in everything I did. Everything.
Ma loved Dottie so much…I think she’s probably cuddling her right now.
Ma took care of me when I was having some surgery in 2021…she was my rock.
Going over to ma’s for lunch…something I did every Sunday. After we ate, I’d kick her butt in cards. (Actually, she beat me just as many times and bragged when she did).

Author: Kristi

Just a bipolar Professor working to end the stigma of mental illness.

10 thoughts on ““You gave me love and helped me find the sun…” ~ Seasons in the Sun”

  1. Your heart isn’t broken, it’s shattered into a million pieces. Some of those pieces will never be found and some will come back together stronger. I loved apologizing to your mom when I cussed on your blog, and I loved that I made her smile, just once. She will always be with you. Look for her and listen for her and she’ll be there. I love you, sweet lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is beautiful! What an incredible legacy of love that she has left inside of you.
    I pray you are able to find peace and to continue share her memory with your life each day.
    Sending hugs and love- 💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You have my condolences. Lost mine to covid while she was in dementia unit 2 Christmases ago. Our relationship was rocky,but I still looked in on her. Love your photos.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Niraj's blogs

Sharing my own experiences to help others

techclanz

technology for innovators

K9 University

K9 University

Avisha Rasminda

Hi, I'm Avisha Rasminda Twenty One years old, Introduce Myself As A Author , Painter , A Poet.

quenchingthelongthirst

Transitioning to converting my thoughts into blogs than talking to myself about them

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Thinking and Searching

Zaden Zane

RANDOM THINGS OF INTEREST

You Lil Dickens

Words To Think On

RTS -Mental health

Facing The Challenges of Mental Health

shelleypsych

AQA Psychology Linear course

Silent Songs of Sonsnow

"I have enough time to rest, but I don't have a minute to waste". Come and catch me with your wise words and we will have some fun with our words of wisdom.

Cool Dump

Funny and true facts

%d bloggers like this: